A summary of December and all the delights of the Christmas aisle.
**
**
shopping
This bin has an interesting description
Mumma B takes full credit for finding this on her eBay travels.
The listing has long since vanished, although strangely I was able to access the link via my mobile, but not laptop (so go figure).
It’s admittedly a bit of a lengthy description, so I’ve picked out the highlights. Sections have been removed for brevity but everything marked in quotes is word-for-word lifted from the original description.
Plastic Recycle Bin & Lid 25L/50L Rubbish Dustbin Kitchen Garden Waste New 2022
This product is very inexpensive and light in weight.
I think this product can bring a fun way of putting in the necessary things. Attractive and Beautiful both aspects of this Flap Lid Recycle Bin bring happiness to the eyes. There are some people who will find this ecstatic.
Above all, it is said that people tend to remember only 10-20% of what they see and hear. Moreover, that number rises to as much as 90% when they see something unique.
On the contrary, I must say that this is the ultimate final product if you are looking for something big because Flap Lid Recycle Bin is for your interior decoration because this is the best.
This product is designed for the British Aesthetic looks and Cultural aspects.
It can be used in your Drawing rooms and Lounges because it adds beauty to it.
Wait, there's more!
RETURNS AND REFUND POLICY
Goods received back complete as NEW and unused and in original box and packaging including all accessories and in a re-sellable condition: You will be refunded the full invoice amount less cost of delivery.
Goods received back not in a re-sellable condition: We are unable to accept these back under the above terms and the goods will be returned back to you and the cost of delivery charged to you.
Goods received back complete as NEW and unused and in original box and packaging including all accessories and in a re-sellable condition: Goods will not be accepted back if they are not in a resellable condition.
In case you weren't sure
RETURNS:
Goods must be returned ‘AS SOLD’ in the original packaging complete ‘AS NEW’.
Goods must be complete, unused, and in ‘AS NEW’ condition (eg if you have opened the box to examine the product it must have been done so without damaging the box and packaging or damaging the product in any way) and must be re-packaged as received.
Payment information is sponsored by the upper case
PAYMENT:
We Aim to Dispatch All Orders Within 24 Hours Of Cleared Payments
(Please Note Orders Placed On Friday, Saturday And Sunday Can Only Be Given To Carriers On Monday As They Do Not Pick Up Over Weekends)
And as for customer service...
SERVICE:
Our aim is to provide Top Level Customer Service, normally so we will try our best to solve any problem.
So there you have it. It is said that people tend to remember only 10-20% of what they see and hear, moreover, that number rises to as much as 90% when they see something unique.
It is probably why no one ever remembers anything from my website.
**
**
Impressive stacking skills
Not wanting to toot my own horn, but, I’m going to toot my own horn.
The looks staff gave me coming along with my trolley, approaching the self-service tills with thinly disguised smugness usually reserved only for the scan as you shop crowd.
I see your tiny space for basket shops and I raise you this:
(Although not going to lie, I was annoyed I couldn’t get the ice cream fully onto the scales.)
All the years of playing Tetris have clearly not been lost on me. And if you want the best words of guidance for getting staff to walk on by, wearing a face covering and buying a pack of cold relief medication will go a long way.
**
**
It’s Happened Again!!
Following the post I published towards the end of 2022 about a mother opening an Amazon parcel containing boxes of cereal, I have two thing to report.
- Amazon have yet to implement a policy forcing people to open parcels on the doorstep (sorry Lizzie)
- It’s happened again!
As spotted on a social media platform (for the sake of argument, let’s call said social media platform “Gacebook”):
Package was tampered with. I managed to grab the driver to return the item. He said he could not change the delivered status. He rung his boss and who said to him, ‘bring the wipes back and we’ll get her sent out an item tomorrow’. Needless to say the iPad never turned up. After several calls to Amazon Customer Services I am still unable to change the status of the delivery to returned until the driver has done so. I know this will not happen. Its currently being investigated by Amazon customer services.
Another instance of someone trying to buy an Apple product, only this time they got duped with surface wipes.
I don’t know why I should be surprised and really it is a terrible thing that people are being unfairly mugged off in such a way, but it still amazed me when I saw it appear on my social media feed.
That, or it could be a sign that I need to get a life.
As a thirty year old, eating blueberry yoghurt from the tub and watching reruns of The Hills I’m going to decline the opportunity to comment. I’d only dig myself into a bigger yoghurt-based hole.
**
**
Best Fashion Purchase of 2022* (*So Far)
Check out this beautiful, hand-made, Japanese silk face covering I just purchased from KatyBeesDesignStudio, on Etsy.
It’s so incredibly comfy to wear and comes fitted with a top metal strip and slot-in space for a removeable air filter, should you wish to have one. Even before I’d had chance to put it on, I felt like an utter princess from the packaging presentation.
As well as the face covering (delivered in a rainbow pager bag), she sent me an air filter in a drawstring bag and some cute trinkets in a little drawstring pouch. You know how I get over little trinket items. It really was the icing on the cake
Katy hasn’t sponsored me to write this post but it’s been a long two years and it’s been a while since I got excited over something as mundane as a face covering. I simply had to rave about it.
Link: KatyBeesDesignStudio on Etsy
**
**
Letters, Books, Pigeons: Christmas 2021
Can I just start with the most middle-class, Cotswold drama to have occured this year at Christmas. Mumma B, setting her prized oven mits on fire, by accidentally placing them over a Yankee candle.
The best bit? Mumma B’s first reaction to my panic was to assume the vegetables were boiling over. I don’t think it quite trumps the time I dropped the Michael Buble Christmas CD in a tray of turkey fat, but it’s a close second.
Anyway…
Letters, Books, Pigeons: Christmas 2021
Music
I’m going to start as we mean to go on, with this:
You know what? The more times I watch it, the more times I think there is nothing in here the great George Michael and Andrew Ridgley of Wham! would take issue with.
From the soundtrack to the casual bit of inter breed dating, I only hope, and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart, that George Michael was able to watch this before his death in 2016.
(And if you think any of this is tragic just remember, this wasn’t even the worst thing I came across. Nowhere near.)
I’m Dreaming of a White…Pigeon
When it comes to Christmas, everyone has a different interpretation for what festivities look like. Some people have robins in snow, in Swindon we’ve got pigeons bathing in overflowing waste drains.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Interior Decorations
While I’m not one of those who puts up decorations super early, I am a fan of Christmas when it does come along. Anything to get me over the trauma of Halloween.
Genuinely can’t be trusted to watch a 12-rated spook film without freaking out at the slightest jump-scare. Years it took me to get over Disney’s The Haunted Mansion, years.
I put up my tree…
…and proceded to smash up my beloved retro starburst clock, by attempting to hang lights off it. The entire glass dial, smashed into a trillion bitty pieces.
Mazel Tov! (Oh, wait, that’s the wrong religion.)
Moving along…
Shopping
It’s always nice when Jesus graces you with his presence when you’re out and about shopping, even if his eyeless sockets are a little bit menacing.
We buy all these presents, yet not one of them is for him? So humble.
And I’m not going to lie, arguably the gifting has already peaked this year. That happened recently when my family teamed up to buy me a whole set of matching Next kitchenware.
My goodness, it’s so beautiful.
Huh? Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, presents.
I mean, at the same birthday I also got given this:
Honestly, the embarassment of opening this in front of my family, alongside Next kitchenware. Not just that, reading the blurb out! Trust me, it gets worse. Deary me, my cheeks were not ready for that leavel of red. (Thanks Matt, mission accomplished!)
Now this, this is the sort of tat I can get into.
(But not buy.)
Hang on a second, I’m sure I’ve seen something like this before.
My goodness, talk about nerve!
That was on sale for £2 less in 2019!
It set me up to be in a right unimpressed British emoji-type mood when my younger sister pointed this sign-board out to me.
No, just no.
Ignoring all of the random shop items, this year my best purchase has to be, without a shadow of a doubt, my new fountain pen.
I bought the pen, then proceeded to Google how to make it work.
There’s definetely something ironic in using the internet to lookup the basics of how to use a pen.
Letters
One of my favourite things I like to do every year is write Christmas cards. This year, with so many of my colleagues based overseas that meant a bit more spent on stamps but heck, they’re worth it.
I’m still at the stage of life where I don’t have five million of them to write out, and/or pressing life matters that see every night booked up from 1st August, through to 15th January. I can treat myself to the odd night of pure card-writing, jotting out personalised notes to those nearest and dearest. It gives me a kind of buzz.
What can I say? Some people have alcohol, I have cards. We both have wrecked tounges.
Terrible Christmas Films (No, Really)
When I write cards, wrap presents etc, I tend to stick on one of those terribly wonderful Hallmark-type Christmas films on. Predictable and, I used to think, unoffensive. That was, until I saw this clip:
THEY DON’T EVEN EAT THE FOOD!!
What kind of dining-out date is this? Nu-huh, I’m sorry mate, you can stop juggling those oranges, because if I’m not getting a look-in on that Tupperware box, then you ain’t getting this.
(Close friends have also pointed out countless other things that make no sense in this montage, however I’m sticking firm on the lack-of-food being the absolute worst. Three words; girl, gotta, eat.)
On that note… *returns to phone to scroll through her tailored Facebook adverts*
Serves me right for being an insomniac. And, on the topic of sleep, a late night pop to the shops to buy some milk and I spot this:
“…Does it come with a receipt?”
Coffee
Oh, hey! Almost forgot. It’s December now, so that means my diet is even more whacky than other months* (*let’s be honest, my diet is hardly enviable). Did someone invite me to go around all the coffee shops, drink gingerbread lattes and not eat anything until evening, when I have a three course meal?
(Not that I ever want to have a three course meal, even two courses is an extreme for me, but because it’s December suddenly that’s a thing. Gonna get me a sweet, sweet latte, bigger than my tiny wrist can hold.)
Anyway, yes, yes that’s me. And I will read a book in there and no, you will not have a hope of kicking me out until at least two hours have passed, and not a minute before.
Unrelated note, does anyone else get life this after getting heavily involved with an emotional book?
“Walking through the dark and cold drizzel of town, after a 2+ hour coffee shop reading session. So full of mixed emotions right now, I genuinely don’t know whether to cry or feel inspired. Just me, or does anyone else have to take a lie down when the book feel get this intense?”
Turns out, it’s just me.
“Ink not coming out of fountain pen” is a niche search entry, I’ll give you that. Maybe not quite as popular as Ariana Grande but heck, you’ve gotta keep these traditions alive.
Conclusions
You know what? Stuff it! I’m just gonna book myself on a professionally accredited course to learn about unicorn magic…
…and go watch the Swindon Wildcats play down the local rink.
In fairness, it was such a good game.
Wait, There’s More!
Before you go, remember that video I included at the start of this post? Well, guess what? The creator only went and made an improved version and/or (to be honest I’m not entirely sure which) sequeal a few years later! Yeah, I know!
Better still, the soundtrack features the musical stylings of Cascada, covering Wham!
Honestly, between these music videos and that pictre of pigeons washing themselves in waste water, I really don’t think Christmas could really peak much more than this.
**
**
My Face, On Your Tissues
There is more to the humble spam folder than missed opportunities and utter junk. Exactly, there’s missed junk opportunities!
Ladies and gentleman, may I kindly introduce to you this email…
I admit, it’s not the easiest to read on the photo. Let me detail it below:
HiAeb
I am glad to know your demand for the tissue market.
We have specialized in providing customized tissues for more than 8 years, and have provided sources of supply for many domestic companies.
We are eager to expand channels and we are eager to cooperate with you.
Samples will be sent to you for evaluation.
Thanks, and best wishesMs Luo (General Manager)
Chengdu Dixuan Trading Company
I know! Cutomized tissue paper?! Where have these opportunities been in my life? In my spam folder, that’s where!
Oh my, I think I’m getting giddy with all the possibilities. “Expanding my channels” – I can see it now, my face in toilet cubicles up and down the country. No, not the country, THE WORLD!!
I’ll be quite honest with you, I can’t think of anything much better.
Or, I could do as my email provider recommends and just delete the email, or, do nothing and let my email provider automatically delete it for me. (I’ll let you guess which I ended up doing.)
And people say I excited over nothing…oh hey, a shiny bit of foil blowing down the street!
**
Please support unpaid writers, like me, by donating to my funding page: Ko-Fi (formerly Buy Me a Coffee)
**
Fancy Chinese Footwear
So here’s a bit of background for you, on the jazzy socks featured in Why Alice is *Still* Single…Probably.
Back when I was living in London I had the absolute pleasure of attending the Tate Modern’s critically appraised exhibition Picasso 1932: Love, Fame, Tragedy. It ran between 8th March – 9th September 2018.
I didn’t attend “1932…” until late on, days before it was due to close. Why? Because I’ll be honest, Picasso had never really been my bag. I appreciated his reputation and there’s no denying Guernica is a masterpiece of political demonstration, but otherwise I just saw the man as someone who took a lot of credit for not a lot.
Don’t shoot me.
In the end, it was a little voice inside my head that urged me to go, that I’d only regret it if I didn’t. (Also, because at the time I could get in for £5. Minor detail.)
I’m so very glad I went. For one, turns out the man is just as trigger happy on the paint brushes as I am on my blog. In one year he produced over 100 works of art (mostly of his mistress). Secondly, some of his work isn’t too shabby.
Don’t get me wrong, I still had questions. Most of my secondary school art projects were on par with Yellow Belt.
And yet God knows, you never saw my Art teacher praising me as the Second Coming. I took a snapshot and sent it to my Mum, she still insisted I keep the day job.
So what has all this got to do with socks? Well, sometime after the exhibition I was browsing the wonderful world of Far Eastern shopping when I came across some socks printed with the iconic painting The Dream.
I’ll spare you my cobble-dash description on this painting but yep, the way he painted the face is intentional (classic playboy Picasso). More information here.
Short story, shorter, I found a pair of socks online depicting this masterpiece (or, as the sellers called them, “style #3 sleeping lady”). Don’t ask how or why, it’ll be easier for us both. Neither did I enquire as to the copyright, given the same people were also selling “magic man” socks of Jesus.
12 million months later my socks arrived, looking something like this:
First observation – no way in hell were these made for a ladies foot-size 5 (EU 38). Definitely men’s socks. But still, the print detailing was alright and the image had been flipped. Without disclosing the price, (*cough* 99p), you get what you pay for.
I couldn’t wait to try them on.
Then I looked down…
Because the socks were bigger in size than expected, I’d had to pull them up higher, and because my calves are the size of tree trunks, the print was stretched-out even more.
Far from looking mellowed after a bit of artist lovin’, Marie looks genuinely pained from having her face stretched to that of a horse. And let’s not even go there with where that places Picasso’s perceived manhood.
Oh well.
I’m still gonna wear them though. I mean, Picasso socks! How cool is that?!
…What? What’s wrong?
Thanks Col, babe. xx
**
Please support unpaid writers, like me, by donating to my funding page: Ko-Fi (formerly Buy Me a Coffee)
**
London Recalling: The Throwback-set
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” – L.P. Hartley
A year ago today, I returned from a London city break and published my first post. I’d spent a year living in the UK capital, so for me it marked a refresh of the best bits of city-living, including art galleries, theatre performances and catching up with old friends.
Days after my return I was left encumbered, battling a mystery illness. Those following weeks I pressed on the best I could, putting it down as another one of those viruses which circulate in densely populated environments. A year later I’m no closer knowing what struck me down; we all have our theories.
Back then, my friends and I had whimsically noted the high-adoption of face coverings being worn by the predominantly Asian tourist base. We mused on the foreign illness that was gripping other continents, but to comprehend the possibility that our own country could already be rife with disease was a step too far. We were better than that, we were British. Instead, we continued to pack ourselves into dense sweats to watch live music, feasted in noisy restaurants and embraced fondly.
If only we’d known.
So, with perhaps a naively romanticised view of what were truly the last days of normality (late January 2020), here are all four parts of London Recalling.
London Recalling – the Mini-Series
Part One – Straight Lesbians, Like Us
Part Two – The Creative’s Curse
Part Three – Solo Sell-Outs
Part Four – Wapping Old Stairs
**
*Donation Station*
Enjoy this content? Please support unpaid writers, like me, by donating:
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly
Make a one-time donation
Make a monthly donation
Make a yearly donation
Choose an amount
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
Or enter a custom amount
¤
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly**
Have a Merry (Nicolas Cage and/or Lobster Themed) Christmas!
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to everyone who reads MHAM. regardless of faith, 2020 has been a rough year for absolutely everyone, I wish you all a peaceful time with family and chocolate and Nicolas Cage.
(Things may be terrible, but now they’re terribly wonderful.)
Oh, here’s also a highly relatable photo I took of a shop window from three years back (I’m going to guess it was Ted Baker).
So go on, stuff your face with lobster too. You’re welcome again, have it on me (the enjoyment of the photo that is, I’m not a free-for-all lobster bar or anything).
I’ll be back with new content in the new year. In the meantime, there’s always my Contents of wonderful blog posts with plenty of material dating right back to 2014! (Alright, no need to roll your eyes.)
**
This isn’t a sponsored post. Support an unpaid writer like me by donating to my funding page: Buy Me A Coffee
**
My Housemate's a Mermaid 