Come Again?

Doing a bit of industry research one evening I come across this book of poetry, “Dung Beatles Navigate by Starlight”.

I know I can give as good as it gets on the waffle game (and I’m not talking about sweet treats) but this is next level:

The book’s description reads:

These poems explore the boundary between science and poetry, and juxtapose the lexicon of organic chemistry, in particular, with a botanical discourse which is more conventional in poetry, but which the scientific treatment defamiliarises. Far from being abstruse and heavy, the treatment here lightens the subject with an imaginative playfulness, as in ‘The First Green Human: The Observer Interviews Clorinda’, where Marvell’s pastoral character is turned, through a journalistic register, into a personification of current ecological concerns.

My reaction?

I’m done. No way can I compete with that level of blurb-ery (#ShouldBeAWord) talent (and I’m not entirely kidding).

In other news, Mumma B says she’s reassured in knowing that her daughter isn’t the only one who can spout waffle. Whoop.

(Link: https://cinnamonpress.com/store/dung-beetles-navigate-by-starlight/)

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Financial Recommendation for 2022 – Invest in Wood

The other evening I decided I wanted to pop down to the local shopping centre (mall) to do some creative thinking kinda stuffs.

Now here’s the thing, it was about 18:45 when I arrived and, knowing that the shopping centre closed at 20:00 I was fairly adamant I was NOT going to pay for coffee, knowing that thirty minutes down the line Sammy-stickler (not their real name) would be out with his broom trying to nudge me off the premises of their well-to-average-do establishment. I was not going to splash out £3.20 for a coffee.

So I head into the shopping centre. It was pretty chill atmosphere, I think they were playing an Eternal song over the speakers (in fairness, it does often feel like Swindon is stuck in the nineties).

Pumped full of the sweet nineties tuneage, I decided to pop into one shop. Just one. A single shop to stretch my legs a bit and get me into the zone.

Yeah…that didn’t happen. Two words – ex-display clearance.

Fifteen minutes later I’m now the proud owner of some new wooden coat hangers.

That’s my shadow on the floor, for anyone who’s never known the pain of taking photographs of inanimate objects at 22:00

It doesn’t end there! Because sure, I could have got ten for £2, I could have even walked on by (those were the only two options so we’re really talking an all or nothing opportunity here). And what is life without seizing the opportunities that come our way?

That’s right, I went and bought twenty ex-display, pink wooden coat hangers for £4. (And I didn’t even need to pay for the bag #Smooth #ThisGirlIsOnFire)

Remember how I said was determined to not spend £3.20 on coffee?

Right, so hear me out on this. That one coffee would have been finite, served, drunk and, well, let’s say “processed” in a couple of hours. These coat hangers will last me years and years and years and years. And yes, before you ask I do indeed already have a wardrobe full of the black plastic hangers I bought almost ten years ago and yes, they’re still in a decent state. But think of the bigger picture – right now it will set you back nearing £10 for just eight hangers. Eight!

SEE?! It makes complete financial sense!

So at the end of the day who’s really laughing? And please don’t say the Neon Sheep store that saw me coming, I’ve heard it already and it’s not getting any funnier.

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Writing Retreat in the New Forest *VIDEO*

Video of my recent five-day break in the New Forest, England. I went out specifically to focus on writing and while it didn’t quite turn out entirely as I’d hoped, I had a very relaxed time in beautiful surroundings.

Until the next time!

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“Cleaning-Up the Microwave” (a Chemical Fume-Induced Song)

From the makers of That’s When the Cleaning Fumes Got to Me, I present me, cleaning the microwave with equally questionable methods.

If it’s not the fact I forgot to turn the mircowave off (apparently it’s not safe), it’s the realisation afterwards of the potential effects those fumes were having on me.

But still, at least the microwave is clean now.

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Reactions to “Chicken Con Carne”

Less than an hour after I upload my last post, Alice’s “Chicken Con Carne”, my phone buzzes. Two separate messages, one from Mumma B and the other from brutally honest mate Laura. Wishing we well? Asking what I’m up to? Nope, expressing concern over my grasp of international dialogue and my hands. As you do.

That’s right, I did indeed study Food Technology and the Spanish language at GCSE, with respective grades of A and B (I even won an award for my cooking). Where did it all go wrong? One word, University-catered-halls-of-residence-slash-studying-hard-slash-it-was-around-this-time-I-discovered-GoT-and-daytime-TV.

It gets worse. I visited Mumma B the other day and she’s given me a knife, that is how concerned she is. It must make her the first parent in history to thrust a knife into her daughter’s hand and beg me to take it. She even smuggled it into my handbag when I tried to leave it behind.

(The best bit? The video was recorded months ago. The face on Mumma B when I told her? Priceless.)

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Alice’s “Chicken Con Carne”

For this one there isn’t much to say that isn’t covered in this video. I think I’m getting better at this cooking malarkey.

And plated up…

So go on, tell me you’re not a little bit impressed. And, if you’re not impressed, it’s because you’re the one who’s been stockpiling all the beef and/or Quorn mince.

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“Six-Year-Old’s Lockdown Song to Missed Friends” – Two Years On

I cannot believe it’s been two years since I first heard “Six-year-old’s lockdown song to missed friends” (catchy title, I grant you).

What do you mean, you haven’t heard this song? What the heck is right with you?!

Say what you want about the first UK lockdown in 2020, but the local news reporting was at the very top of its game back then. Slow news month? Pfft! I don’t know what you’re taking about!

I can’t find the video on YouTube, okay, so you’ll have to trust me this link is safe and click on it to have a listen for yourself:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-52403189

And please don’t ask me how much time I spent trying to find this on the internet. An unhealthy amount, that’s what. (And an amount that could well have put me on some police-watch list).

Ah, April 2020. As I recall, around about this time I was spending 90% of my day rocking back and forth with a half-eaten packet of dry cream crackers in my hand. With this song stuck in my head.

Those were the days.

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April 14th

Couldn’t let today slip by without sharing this piece of piano music, which always seems to catch me off-guard when it comes up in my music shuffle.

Simply beautiful.

(Song – “Avril 14th”, Artist – Aphex Twin)

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The Cat’s Playing Hide and Seek, Again

When you spot her…

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My Best Bernie Saunders Impression

Completely uninentional; I went furniture shopping (I say shopping, it was more middle-class browsing) and somehow ended up looking like Bernie Saunders.

It’s not like I was even trying!

Bernie at the 2021 presidential inauguration, this is what I’m comparing myself to.

Image credit: Vanity Fair

I guess that makes me one step closer to being an old, white, American guy…

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