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How I got free tickets to RIAT (the Royal International Air Tattoo)

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, Charity, Event, Humour, Uncategorized , , ,

To say Ben is into planes is more than a little modest, it is the understatement of the century. We both also happen to live close to Fairford, the Wiltshire RAF base which once a year becomes home to the Royal International Air Tattoo (RIAT).

Two slight issues with my initial plan of a date-day visit:

  1. In 2023 the price of an individual adult ticket was £65
  2. As well documented by Captain Obvious, RAF Fairford is an exposed airfield. If it rains, you’re gonna know about it

The solution? Volunteering!

Ben and I put enlisted as event volunteers, selling programmes to raise money for the RAF Charitable Trust. Two highlights were Ben saying “I didn’t think you were actually going to dance with a stack of programmes” and a police officer who tapped me on the shoulder and said, in an incredibly stern tone, “excuse me, madam, but do you work in a boxing ring?” (I was waving a programme high above my head at the time). After realising I wasn’t getting a telling me off, I laughed and waved it even higher.

I know it wasn’t meant to be a contest but Ben and I sold a lot of programmes from our combined efforts, a lot.

By noon we were released from volunteering duties and allowed to enjoy RIAT for the rest of the day, free of charge. We enjoyed both the static and air displays with plenty of sugary snacks and then, when the British weather turned we darted into Ben’s car and continued watching the displays, warm and dry and accompanied by RIAT’s FM radio commentary (another perk of volunteering, prime car parking).

Not even strong winds and rain could stop us laughing during our day at RIAT. I learnt a lot about planes (although I don’t see me becoming RAF recruitment material anytime soon) but I also got to learn more about the great work of the RAF Charitable Trust. All whilst having a cheap date day out with Ben. We came away with Ben’s vocal cords ripped to shreds and my arms and feet feeling the burn from all the dancing. But you know what? It was totally worth it.

You can find out more about volunteering opportunities at RIAT through their official website

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Shin-kicking – a very Cotswold news story

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, comedy, Cotswolds, Culture, Humor, Humour, News, Uncategorized , ,

Nothing sums up my experiences growing up than the hype surrounding the “Cotswold Olimpick Games”, an annual summer event that takes place on Dover’s Hill, Gloucestershire.

You, however, might be more familiar with one of the key events that take place during the games, skin-kicking.

Not heard of shin-kicking before? Well have no fear, for this news clip from BBC Points West will explain all in glorious local news fashion.

(Even I was left thinking “what did I just watch?”)

There’s a lot to unpack here in what is almost a 4 minute long video, so let me hit you with what’s going on (my personal highlights are in bold):

  • 00:12 – It’s not a piece of old reel footage unless a random horse suddenly appears
  • 00:29 – What. On. Earth? (I choked on my cup of tea when I first saw this)
  • 00:41 – Local news gets interviewee’s name wrong (#standard)
  • 01:29 – “It’s a part of our heritage that’s nice to keep alive” – in school we were frequently told that it was a stupid sport and told to not do it
  • 01:40 – Already looking considerably more violent than the 1950s version of shin-kicking
  • 02:08 – I genuinely feel a bit sorry for anyone who travels overseas, or makes special effort, to visit the Cotswold Olmpicks. My sister went last year and said it was a load of cr*p
  • 02:35 – Dear Lord, those shin guards! (I couldn’t stop laughing…again). Also, the buttoning up of the suit jacket which I’m guessing is a nervous twitch on the part of the presenter, as if this bloke is seriously going to pelt him
  • 02:44 – “Be careful, because I am a world champion” is a phrase that has probably become very tiresome down Mike’s local pub
  • 02:50 – Demonstration of shin-kicking (otherwise known by Alice’s laugh of “hahahahahaha! This is brilliant, hahaha”)
  • 03:01 – “Do you normally have something down your trousers?”
  • 03:15 – I’m starting to think someone has dared Mike to wear that silly hat
  • 03:35 – The weather presenter completely baffled, like the rest of us, by what he’s just seen

And don’t you worry, as always you’re very much welcome.

Image credit: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-39538277

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Anna Beer on the female greats literature forgot

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Book, Book Review, Event, Humour, Review, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

The evening before seeing historian and author Anna Beer I’m sat at home, drafting a book review. Most of my reviews are for self-published titles, books where authors need the extra push to help them up the rankings. This particular book is a self-help guide for women navigating the menopause. It’s really good, certainly one of the more informed guides I’ve read in recent months. I finish typing my conclusion, knowing I’ll return to this review at least twice more to make edits before uploading it onto Reedsy. In that moment life feels good.

Barely 24 hours later…

“If I have to read another book on the menopause I’ll throw it across the room!”

It’s a statement that says a lot about the personality of this speaker, a strange mix of fire and frustration blended with ease and informality. Anna Beer has made her entrance.

Beer’s newest publication, Eve Bites Back, puts forgotten female authors front and centre of her historical research. Women like Mary Elizabeth Bradon, who wrote Lady Audley’s Secret in 1861-2 as a serialised publication for sixpenny magazines. She wrote the first instalment in just one evening. Such as the power of her words, when her original publisher ceased trading, another stepped in to print the remainder of the book. Bradon was a household name of her time, a literary celebrity, yet for every hundred mentions of her contemporary Charles Dickens, nowadays you will struggle to find one of Bradon.

Beer pauses for breath, taking only the slightest sip of tap water from her glass. The plight of Bradon isn’t the body of Beer’s argument, quite the reverse, the historian is only just warming up.

Bradon’s fate is not only applicable to the female authors of books, Beer argues. Another example, the poet Emilia Lanier (née Aemilia Bassano) also spent a good portion of her life swimming in the same pool as other masterful contemporaries. A 16th Century creative living in London, Lanier would have known fully of the playwright William Shakespeare, it is believed she was even mixing in the same aristocratic circles as him (although less known about whether the pair ever met).

Lanier was 42 years old when she published Salve Deus Rex Judaeorum, a poetry collection highly praised by all genders, even with its undertones many would now regard as feminist leaning. And yet, once again, in the 21st Century relatively little is known of Lanier. Why? Because, Beer argues, Lanier simply didn’t have the same number of influential promoters as Shakespeare.

Beer smiles, one hand gripping the podium, the other pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s hit her stride, that juicy zone when academics become unstoppable, overwhelming charisma tinged by a slight arrogance. They know they’re right and you can’t help but nod along. Beer rattles through woman after woman, their names piling up like endless bodies cast below the stage we sit before. If she carries on at this rate the whole auditorium will be drowned before the hour is finished.

“I must mention Lady Mary Montague,” she adds between breaths, “oh, and someone ask me about Anna Wickham if there’s time!”

Watching her recount all these unknown literary greats, it makes me both proud and embarrassed to be a woman. Society imprinted on me many of Britain’s literary greats, only now am I realising that all of them just so happened to be white men. If anything Beer’s work proves that there were more female authors out there than can be feasibly brushed under the carpet.

The evening draws to a close and with the round of applause comes a sudden longing for a fresh air. The auditorium at the Swindon Arts Centre empties and, not realising quite how hot I’d become inside, I’m relieved to be sucking in a large mouthful of cool spring air.

Within minutes of getting home my laptop is thrown open and a multitude of female names punched into my search engine. The internet crashes momentarily, I hit refresh multiple times, forcing it on until the algorithm finally caves in to my demands. The more I search the more I’m left wanting and by the end of the night I have an Amazon basket filled with books, not one of which written by a man.

To hear Beer talk so energetically on her book Eve Bites Back and wider literary feminism fills me with optimism for what this field of study can offer us all. Knowing that it took Jane Austen twenty years to convert her thoughts into a recognised publication is also enough to keep my own creative aspirations alive. (Although for what it’s worth, I won’t be forwarding Anna Beer a copy of my menopause book review anytime soon.)

Image credit: Wyvern Theatre

Previous Swindon Literary Event write ups from AEB:

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What writing draft zero sounds like, in my head

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Book, comedy, Humour, Uncategorized, Writing , ,

This is what it feels like forcing myself to write words on a blank page. It feels like this property advertisement.

And I’m not talking about the never ending bit. The production value, the forced lyrics, the “what have I just seen?” feeling, quite literally everything about this video can be translated into what writing a draft zero feels like for me.

Oh, and if you are interested in learning more about this house may I direct you to its page on Rightmove (still on the market at the time of writing).

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Book Review: “The Most Reverend” by JJ Young

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Book, Book Review, Humour, Uncategorized , , ,

Rating: 1 star

Headline: Regardless of which faith you preach, this book is downright nonsensical

Review:

The Most Reverend by JJ Young is a comedy-satire of a Christian denomination and its plight to establish itself in Britain. Pastor Delilah Wigglesworth, founder of the “PRAISE!” movement adopts a highly informal approach to communicating biblical messages through the use of concert-type congregations, social media and its flagship confessional app. Shortly after arriving in the UK, Delilah, husband Jude and their two children become acquainted with Mary, a small parish vicar who has become fatigued with the Church of England and the Archbishop’s unwillingness to fund the repair costs to her church. In awe of Delilah and Jude, Mary leaves her parish to become the UK’s first pastor for “PRAISE!”

Within this plot summary there is ample opportunity for well-executed comedy and clever satire. Instead, what the reader sadly gets is poorly written dialogue and all too frequent location changes. Surrey, London, Delilah’s seemingly random decision to travel to North Wales to film promotional footage; the scene-setting in this book leaves even the most sturdiest of readers with whiplash.

Alongside Delilah’s global aspirations, there is also a side-plot involving “PRAISE!” being ransomed for millions of dollars after a data hack on its confessional app. Despite this disturbing development, none of the characters react with any sense of concern or urgency. Character traits are also unbelievable, particularly the Archbishop who immediately takes a strong dislike of “PRAISE!” because of the serious threat it poses to the Church of England. And yet, the whole book is leading up to Mary becoming the UK’s first pastor of a morally-questionable denomination run by two people, Delilah and Jude. The Archbishop’s fears just do not seem to add up.

As far as comedy goes, this book is simply not funny. A lot of the jokes are cheap biblical puns, innuendo, or a combination of the two, used at random like a Carry-On film. Humour that strikes of one-liners that popped into the author’s head as they were writing. And while I understand pastor Jude’s character is meant to be extreme right-wing, unfaithful and generally useless, the humour he exerts is at best excruciatingly awkward and at worst, down right discriminatory towards other faiths and cultures.

If not for the rushed pace, then for the tone of voice, The Most Reverend is punctured with so many plot holes and faults that it would take more than Noah’s Ark going viral to ride out this storm.

AEB Reviews

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This Video Will Change Your Life

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, comedy, Humor, Humour, Television, Uncategorized , , ,

Ladies and gentleman, Michael Barrymore.

And if not for the video than the comments on the video itself, including:

Now, isn’t your life so much better for watching that video? (Also, don’t answer that question.)

And no, I won’t tell you how I came about this video. And for those of you expecting this to be a video of my sister and/or my giant thumb (based off this post’s feature image…)

…sorry, not sorry.

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Book Review: “Thar She Blows!” by Klam Burley (Illustrated by Francesca Da Sacco)

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Book, Book Review, Children, Humour, Review, Uncategorized , , ,

Rating: 3 stars

Headline: Childhood imaginations run wild in this fun picture book of bath time pirates

Review:

Thar She Blows! by Klam Burley (illustrated by Francesca Da Sacco) is a children’s picture book which tells the story of Bobby, a young pirate with a rascally parrot companion and a fearsome sea monster to battle. But is Bobby’s dangerous encounter all as it seems?

There is much to commend this book, including the humorous plot twist halfway through which changed the story’s direction to draw children back to a relatable environment. Children are well-known for having broad, colourful imaginations, although I would probably not have been as understanding as Bobby’s mother if I walked into a flooded bathroom!

The illustrations are nicely done, the bird’s eye perspective of the mythical sea monster flavours on the mildly surreal (think Studio Ghibli) and the slightly cartoonish depiction of Bobby maintains a sweet sense of innocence. The two forms balance each other well. The addition of hidden rubber ducks on each page adds an additional layer of engagement for parents and children; having these peppered throughout hints toward the plot twist to come.

The copy in this book could, however, be tightened. I know a good deal of adults who do not know what a semicolon is, let alone small children. In my opinion the use of this punctuation mark should not exist in a book aimed at this age demographic. The sentences are also long and clunky in places, for me the poetry did not flow naturally and I ended up having to reread pages to marry-up what sometimes could be better described as half-rhymes. Personally I think the writing would have been better as prose.

Thar She Blows! comes from a solid place. It is well illustrated and is full of the heart and charm needed for a picture book of its type. If elements of the copy were addressed Burley could find herself onto a real winner.

AEB Reviews

Links:

Reedsy Discovery Review: https://reedsy.com/discovery/book/thar-she-blows-kimberly-amboy

Purchase link: Thar She Blows!

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Plant Takeaway: the Eden Project Exhibition that still Traumatises me

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, comedy, Humor, Humour, Mermaid, Travel, Uncategorized , , ,

Few things have shaped me more than a mechanic exhibition housed in the visitor centre of Cornwall’s world famous Eden Project. Shaped me, in a negative way.

Back in 2000, when the biomes for The Eden Project were still under construction, the visitor centre was opened up to the public. I was eight years old. “This will be educational,” my parents thought, “Alice will get to see this amazing thing being built and learn a bit about the nice plants in the visitor centre.”

Traumatised I was. Traumatised.

Image credit, Joe N., FourSquare.com

Plant Takeaway, an exhibition also referred to as “The Dead Cat” (which personally I think says it all) is, according to the attraction’s website, “[an] automated puppet show that explores our total dependence on plants. Visitors watch as absolutely everything made of plants in Alan and Enid’s kitchen is taken away.”

It sounds all harmless enough, sure, but let me put to you this; Plant Takeaway features scary mannequins (and you know how I feel about those), nudity and what I have always assumed to be a “Peeping Tom”. It is a reminder of the importance of plants (big tick) and how their removal will result in the painfully slow erosion of everything you hold dear (uh-oh) until ultimately you die from starvation or a lack of oxygen, which ever comes first.

“…Daddy, am I going to die?”

I can see Mumma B rolling her eyes at me now, “she’s 30 and still going on about that silly mechanical exhibit at The Eden Project” but you know what, Mum, yes, I am still going to harp on about it. There was an eight year old me, eyeball to eyeball with a naked collapsed man. To top it all off the cat dies. That’s it, THE END.

I spent the rest of the day crying. When we got back to the holiday cottage we were staying at I was in a state best comparable to that time Hermione got herself petrified in Chamber of Secrets. I remember these things because I was haunted.

Image credit: Pinterest

I think I had a mild form of PTSD, Plant Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Years later we returned to The Eden Project, where as a teenager I was quickly rushed through the visitor centre. We’d all hoped Plant Takeaway would have been retired and thrown into a skip somewhere but nope, still there.

I was going for third time lucky when I visited last year. On seeing its ugly, clunky presence I decided to face my fears and watch it through to the bitter end.

I gave up halfway through.

In my defence I really did try, and in my equal defence this exhibition is a pile of trauma. Other people have recorded and uploaded the whole thing onto YouTube…or at least I assume so (I’m not going to check; go look yourself and on your own mental health be it).

The other 98% of The Eden Project is absolutely lovely and well worth a visit, but this? Nah. I have two questions to put to the management of this attraction 1) who in their right mind signed off the development of the Plant Takeaway exhibition and 2) who is continuing to let it stay?!

Uh-oh, I think I might have triggered myself again (passive-association from the memories). I’m off to get some ice cream.

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Just Another Car Crash / Day in Swindon

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, Event, Humor, Humour, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

So, this happened the other day…

Admittedly, it’s a bit blurry (you can tell I was overwhelmed). Here’s a better angle:

And the wider surroundings…

It’s a straight road, no immediate bends or turns and yet the car has somehow not only flipped but also spun on its roof.

Current levels of confusion are right up there with that episode of the IT Crowd where Roy tries to work out how a “Sea Parks” arena could catch fire.

Theories on what could have caused this accident to happen are very much welcomed (mash potato reconstruction is likely to happen otherwise.)

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Book Review: “Writing the Perfect Christmas TV Movie” by Fred Ray

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Book, Book Review, Humour, Review, Uncategorized , , , ,

Rating: 4 Stars

Headline: If you enjoy Christmas movies as much as candy canes and baked cookies, you’ll love this

Review:

I love television Christmas movies, cheery 90-minute productions where cookies are always in the oven, mugs of hot chocolate plentiful on the counter, small town celebrations every other day. More festive than tinsel itself, I cannot get enough of them. When Fred Olen Ray’s book, Writing the Perfect Christmas Movie, appeared in my inbox I could not resist, jumped at the first chance I got.

Ray is no stranger to the industry of televising Christmas charm, in the space of ten years he has written fifteen Christmas films for television and directed several more. Having spent time with aspirational hopefuls wishing to break into the industry, Ray’s guide pitches itself as a one-stop shop for any budding scriptwriters of the genre with chapters that are intended to be all inclusive of the various considerations that need to be made when putting pen to paper. From story and act structure to considerations around budgets and casting and, the all important question, how Christmassy is too Christmassy? (In the world of festive films? It transpires there is no such thing.) In a short space of time Ray does an excellent job and condensing a genre and getting the main points across professionally and informally. You get a real sense of this being an author who genuinely wants to help others break into the industry.

Ray’s approach to producing this guide is consistent with an experienced professional; recounting past projects and how to avoid potential pitfalls with each approach. It is almost semi-autobiographic, from a place of passing on experience as opposed to providing a line-by-line tutorial of scriptwriting. There is a general expectation here that you can already write screenplays. To this end, Writing the Perfect Christmas Movie could be more likened to the Masterclass brand of video tutorials and may therefore cause disappointment to those hoping to see annotated case studies of previous scripts.

A choice purchase for those who are actively trying to pursue a career in scriptwriting whilst also sitting comfortably as my recommendation to any festive film-fans, Writing the Perfect Christmas Movie offers a rare peak under the covers of what makes the seasonal film genre tick.

AEB Reviews

Links:

Reedsy Discovery Review: (AEB Reviews) Writing the Perfect Christmas Movie

Purchase Link: Writing the Perfect Christmas TV Movie

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