food

My Housemate’s a Mermaid – THE PODCAST

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) #blog, adult, British, Coffee, comedy, Coronavirus, Cotswolds, Culture, Dating, Economy, Europe, Event, family, fashion, Film, Finance, First Time Buyer, food, Friends, Gym, History, Holiday, House, How To, Humor, Humour, job, Literature, London, love, Medicine, Mellennial, Mental Health, Mermaid, News, Nonfiction, Pets, Podcast, Review, Social Media, Swindon, Tourist, Travel, Uncategorized, University, Wheelie Bins, Work, Young Professional , , ,

Another one from deep within the MHAM draft posts that never made it to air…until now.

Back in 2021…

I was thinking to myself the other day “you know what? There aren’t enough podcasts in the world. And golly, there sure as heck aren’t enough opinions being shared around. I should do something to rectify this immediately!”

Or, alternatively, I saw an advert for the free podcasting creator, Anchor, and thought I’d give it a shot.

Several coffees later and some playing about with low-budget graphics and ta-da! A podcast was born:

(Before you say anything, I really cannot stress the low budget-ness of this production. Low budget in the sense there is none.)

Who knows what will become of this, but basically it’s me talking to myself for up to half an hour and in episode one I talk about what lead me to start writing a blog. If you enjoy the concept of a one-woman natter then you’re in for a right royal treat.

I honestly could not be selling this venture harder if I tried. It’s just something I’m giving a go at for a bit of fun.

“My Housemate’s a Mermaid – The Podcast” available on Spotify

Jumping back to 2025…

Surprise, surprise, it didn’t catch on and after forcing myself through four recordings I stopped podcasting and went back to pure writing. I think as much as anything it was the realisation that podcasting with free software is difficult (in that I found the free to use software incredibly limiting and of overall poor production value).

I’m currently in the process of getting the original recordings saved (would you believe it, the platform appears to give podcast owners no access to downloading their own work once published).

For now, enjoy the bittersweet car crash that was the MHAM podcast and who knows, maybe I’ll revive it one day on better terms.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**

What do you have in common with tacos?

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) food, Humour, Uncategorized , , ,

What do you have in common with tacos? You’re both awesome, that’s what.

Image credit goes to Wonder Doodles for creating this slice of delight.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**

And then I panicked with the courgette (zucchini)

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Baking, British, comedy, Culture, food, Humor, Humour, Mellennial, Mental Health, Mermaid, Swindon, Uncategorized, Young Professional , , , ,

Hello, present-day Alice here. I found this post deep in my draft archives, 2021 deep. On one hand I have no idea why it never got posted, and on the other hand I have every idea.

While some things have changed since this was first drafted (notably the fact I was very much single in 2021), you’ll be pleased to know the cooking skills are still as horrific now as they were then. I did it then, and I have no doubt I’d do it all over again if given half the chance…and a courgette.

So, that in mind, enjoy. AEB

**

You know how when someone says they’re a fat person in a skinny person’s body, you nod along? Well, I am that person, the one who doesn’t understand how she’s not yet stuck in a doorway.

I honestly think the only reason I’m still a healthy weight is be because I’m a slave in the Matrix, and the aliens are milking me for battery juice. (It’s a normal thought process to have, right?)

Take this evening and my portion control when it comes to this mass-produced Quorn Spaghetti Bolognese:

(FYI, not a vegetarian, just trying to do my bit for the planet…and stop Paul McCartney coming after me.)

And yes, there are also frozen vegetables in there, but let’s not dwell on the lengths I go to to ‘stodge-out’ a meal.

The thing is, it was a perfectly normal* (*Alice’s version of normal) meal. But then I had this courgette. And the courgette was on the turn (it was a little bit squidgy), but it was something Mumma B had given to me, so I was determined to not let it go to waste. But the mince-stuff was already cooked and rapidly burning.

Basically, I panicked.

I hurry-sliced the courgette, coated it in black pepper, drowned it in olive oil and then threw it in the oven. I don’t know why, I just did. And even as I type this, I am very much aware this is an Alice-world problem.

Anyway, about ten minutes later (Married at First Sight was on and I may have got distracted), I retrieved the cooked-baked mush that was once a courgette and dolloped it onto my dinner plate. By now the pasta was stodgy and the mince mostly burnt on the bottom of the pan. To add to this, I didn’t quite feel satisfied that the first picture illustrated the large portion of food I had on my plate. So what did I do?

Yes, that’s right, I compared it to the size of a teabag.

This, this is what I do for content. Jeeze.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

Coffee shop of the week

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Coffee, food, Humour, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

As a little nod to some of the many hundreds, thousands, millions of independent coffee shops in the world, I’m going to do the odd coffee shop shout out to celebrate all the wonderful things they do, in and around caffeine.

So it’s a big, fat shout out to Darkroom Espresso in Swindon (Wiltshire, UK). A trendy little spot just outside the town centre and one that has never judged me for sitting in the window with my laptop for two hours. (That alone is worth its weight in cappuccino gold.)

If you’re in the area, check them out.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

Impressive stacking skills

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, food, Humour, shopping, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

Not wanting to toot my own horn, but, I’m going to toot my own horn.

The looks staff gave me coming along with my trolley, approaching the self-service tills with thinly disguised smugness usually reserved only for the scan as you shop crowd.

I see your tiny space for basket shops and I raise you this:

(Although not going to lie, I was annoyed I couldn’t get the ice cream fully onto the scales.)

All the years of playing Tetris have clearly not been lost on me. And if you want the best words of guidance for getting staff to walk on by, wearing a face covering and buying a pack of cold relief medication will go a long way.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**

What is going on with Jus-Rol’s cinnamon swirls?

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Baking, British, comedy, food, Humor, Humour, Review, Uncategorized , , , , , ,

After battling a mouthful of disappointment, I just wanted to highlight how much of a travesty Jus-Rol‘s cinnamon swirls rebrand is.

In the simplest of terms, it’s awful.

For those less aware of its previous incarnations, Jus-Rol’s cinnamon swirls is a ready-to-bake product. What it offers to the market is something straightforward and quick, providing the same results of freshy made pastry, without the time and stress needed to make a batch from scratch.

To quote Jus-Rol’s website:

“Jus-Rol’s ready to bake Cinnamon Swirls are a perfectly easy way to bake your family a tasty morning treat at home. Just shape, bake and enjoy warm from the oven. The aroma will fill your kitchen with joy as they bake up.”

https://www.jusrol.co.uk/products/cinnamon-swirls

Making Jus-Rol cinnamon swirls was easy. You took it out of the tube, split the cylinder of pre-filled pastry into six and then whacked it into the oven, cooking for a defined period of time and icing once cooled.

Now the process is several steps longer and ten times worse. Instead of one pot for icing sugar, now you get two, one for the icing sugar and one for the “cinnamon filling” which looks more like chocolate spread and smells of nothing.

Even if we park the creation of needless plastic packaging, it is hard to overlook the messy complexity created by the introduction this modest little pot. Once the filling is smeared across a flat rectangle of raw pastry, the consumer then has to roll the pastry and only then cutting it into six.

Thanks to this step, the cinnamon goes absolutely everywhere. Some pieces were left drowning in brown paste, others with barely a scrap inside. Some swirls were trying to uncurl and others kept oozing.

Turns out whacking them into the oven doesn’t help much either. Cast your mind back to the picture on the Jus-Rol box and compare it to what we got.

While we can all laugh at mis-shaped pastries, it doesn’t compare to how they used to look with the old recipe.

Turns out I’m not the only one disappointed by Jus-Rol’s change in manufacturing. With an average rating of 1.1 at the time of writing, Tesco’s customers are less than impressed.

And the feedback on Jul-Rol’s Facebook page is comical.

Here’s hoping Jus-Rol listen to this feedback on and tossing aside whichever team of dingbats thought it was a good idea to implement cost-cutting, planet harming, changes to a classic.

Have you also experienced this frustration? Drop a comment below and/or contact Jus-Rol’s customer service team via their website, Jus-Rol (jusrol.co.uk)

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

Seven Degrees of Pie

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, family, food, Humor, Humour , ,

My birthday card writing skills need no introduction, which is why I present to you my latest iteration for my sister’s birthday. Ladies and gentlemen, I call this “Seven Degrees of Pie”

Let me quickly summarise (as I know the lack of space makes the writing legibility a bit hit and miss in places):

  1. Blueberry pie! Which is as cute looking as…
  2. Kitty pie! Kitty pie sounds as funny to say as…
  3. Pizza pie! Which is orange in colour, like…
  4. Pumpkin pie! This particular pumpkin pie looks like a face, like…
  5. Pacman pie! Pacman pie rushes after tasty treats like…
  6. Pie Face! (the Beano character) Pie Face = …
  7. Pie…on your face. See! The proof is in the pie!

There you have it. My very well thought out logic that one is never more than seven moves from being pied. And just think, I never went to Philosophy school.

**

Could you spare a dollar to support me? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**

Alice Likes Honey

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, Europe, food, Humor, Humour, Travel , ,

A new thing I’ve discovered, honey sachets!

I am fully aware of the existence of both honey and sachets but the two together? Ruddy marvellous.

**

Could you spare a dollar or two to support me continuing to do what I love? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**

Alice Takes on the Pudding Van

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Baking, British, comedy, Coronavirus, Culture, Event, Everyday Occurances, food, House, Humor, Humour, Mellennial, Mermaid, Nonfiction, Prompt, Social Media, sophistication, Swindon, Uncategorized, Wheelie Bins, Work, Young Professional , , , ,

Someone abandoned their catering van on my housing estate. And I was not happy.

Look at it! It’s massive!

Naturally, I applied a very level-headed attitude to this. That’s right, I sent a ranty email to estate management. It went something like this:

WHY IS THERE A MASSIVE CATERING VAN PARKED IN A VISITOR SPACE? I’VE CHECKED THE REGISTRATION PLATE (“XXX XXX” for your reference) AND IT’S NOT TAXED OR INSURED. IT’S UGLY AND CLEARLY BEEN ABANDONNED. I PAY MY MANAGEMENT FEES, SORT IT OUT!

(The caps are a reflection of the shouty voice in my head…I may have also left the last bit out.)

Estate management responded, saying thay they’d located the vehicle’s owner and told them to move it within the next 48 hours.

48 hours came and went, the van unmoved.

I wish I could say I became tolerant of the pudding van’s presence, but when you’re facing onto something like that every time you go to make a cup of tea, it’s very hard to let go. (Plus, you know, me.)

Whilst waiting for the owners to be chased up again, I did a little investigation of myself. By in investigation, I meant be super nosey.

There weren’t any company details on the van and the only online presence seemed to take me back to a deactivated Facebook page, from when it operated out of Pershore some 56 miles away.

Instead of hard, concrete information, I had to deal with statements like this:

It reads: “Feeling stressed? Stressed backwards is desserts”

I don’t know what bothered me most; the font, the words or the fact that it’s annoyingly true. Everything about it grated on me more than the sugary sweetness of the food it claimed to provide.

**

Update: I drafted this post in September 2021, however in June 2022 the van disappeared altogether. I assumed it was at local festival but it never came back and I haven’t seen the van since. No idea what has happened but the problem of the Pudding Van seems to have sorted itself!

I’m totally putting it down to my ability to moan, that or my top-notch judgemental stares out the window.

(And as for why I’m not posting this until now…well, I forgot I’d written it.)

**

Could you spare a dollar or two? Donate here!

Alice’s Funding Page

**