You’re Welcome

I sent a thank you card to one of the restaurants I frequented when I made a solo staycation to Belfast, Northern Ireland.

(God knows what I wrote inside, I can barely remember what I ate for lunch five minutes ago.)

Whatever its contents were, The Northern Whig clearly enjoyed them enough to prop it up on their fancy bar and share it on their Instagram story.

Caption reads: Such a thoughtful thank-you card from @aeb.thewriter

You’re welcome guys, hope to visit again soon. x


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Alice, The Influencer

Just had this slide into my Insta DMs…

And you know what? It’s about ruddy time. About time someone appreciated ‘My’ skills as a potential influencer (that’s what I’m going to call myself from now on, My).

One only need look at a sample of my recent work to appreciate my modelling abilities.

Sex, on, legs (or back…I can be a very malleable sack of potatoes when it comes to hospital visitations).

I can totally work basic photography functions on a modern camera phone.

And Mumma B is always saying I have eyes like the possessed child from Sixth Sense, which can only be a good thing!

Yes, I can see a lot of brands going for this. After all, everyone knows about me being a notorious snob for fashion.

Yes, that is indeed a photo of me rummaging through a box labelled ‘free stuff’.

I also perform all my own dance moves!

(Although that was cracking on ten years ago. May need refresher training on that one.)

Look out world! I’ll see you on the other side, once I go global with my first fashion brand campaign.

Update: Grace has yet to take me up on my services.


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Follow ‘Grimgrad’ on Instagram for Your Chance to Win*

Can I just get something out of the way first? Whenever someone says ‘follow me’ I have to listen to this song:

(If I don’t it’ll only bug me for the rest of the day.)

As the title suggests, I have taken the plunge and joined the world of Instagram. When it came to entering the selfie-laden, filter-obsessive world of Instagram I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive. I didn’t want to become a mindless food critic, taking snaps of my amazing quinoa bean salad, and I certainly didn’t want to become Kim Kardashian (a possibility which was/is very likely to happen):

(In case you’re wondering, I’m the one on the right.)

I also knew I’d have to start to combat my difficultly in pronouncing the app’s name correctly. The ‘a’ sound in Instagram sounds so harsh, I naturally want to call it ‘InstARgrARm’ not ‘InstAHgrAm’. Classic case of Alice vs 6.9999… billion people. It’s an ongoing battle and truth be told the only way I can get over posh girl syndrome is to tell myself that if I start calling it ‘InstARgram’ then I’m going to have to start softening all A sounds, in which case I’d become ARlice. I don’t think I can bring myself to that, at least not until I own a Polo club.

These fears overcome, I’ve created my own Insta account, username grimgrad.

Because I wanted to stand out from the crowd on this photo sharing platform I’ve decided to apply my classic blogging banter style to my profile. Turns out it’s actually an easy enough thing to do. Anyone who knows me understands that, since starting a blog, I will literally photo anything of mild amusement. It will 99% of the time make no sense to anyone else, but to me it’s a potential image to use on an upcoming blog post. The only problem with doing this is that more often than not I’m left with reams of random photos on my phone. Photos which for whatever reason didn’t quite make it to the blog, however are a bit too random for me to just throw out there for my friends to see on Facebook. (I don’t think I could deal with the rejection of a ‘no like’ photo, it would be too much to handle.)

In short, there’s now a brand new outlet if you want a quick dose of grimgrad and MHAM goodness. Follow grimgrad on Instagram today and you could be viewing wonderfully witty photos like these:


No reduced white bread in shop. I guess I’ll be going without fibre this week.



Wow, just what I always needed in my life!

This corner of my bedroom is a scarily accurate portrayal of my life right now

In other news, Swindon council deny claims that budget cuts have impacted on local signage.

When bae decides he wants to watch you sleep instead of doing the respectable thing and buggering off. #daddylongleggs


I think you’ll agree it’s worth a cheeky follow.

*Competition rules – by following Alice’s Instagram feed you are entering yourself in for the chance to win one of three prizes: 1. Swindon/English air, delivered by air mail. 2. a daddy long legs. Alice will throw it out the window and yell “GO AWAY! GO AND PESTER MR J SMITH” (Alice claims no responsibility if said insect is eaten/gets lost/gets crushed by an impatient Alice whilst in transit). 3. the chance to go on a no-expense paid holiday to Kenya, courtesy of your own wallet.

All entrants will receive Alice E. Bennett’s semi-dying gratification.

Any questions can be addressed to the dead Daddy Long Legs on my wall.

Good luck.