Could someone care to explain to me what the heck this is?
For more context, this was something I spotted during my wanderings around Swindon.
The most rational explanation is that someone had a load of mannequin heads as part of a hair cutting course, but it’s still very weird.
What can you say? Only in Swindon.
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As a little nod to some of the many hundreds, thousands, millions of independent coffee shops in the world, I’m going to do the odd coffee shop shout out to celebrate all the wonderful things they do, in and around caffeine.
So it’s a big, fat shout out to Darkroom Espresso in Swindon (Wiltshire, UK). A trendy little spot just outside the town centre and one that has never judged me for sitting in the window with my laptop for two hours. (That alone is worth its weight in cappuccino gold.)
If you’re in the area, check them out.
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Following official PR, I am now able to share with you details of two writing competitions I won, and their associated launch events. And, eek! They were both an absolute blast!
At the Bournemouth Writing Festival, I won in the fiction category for my piece of flash fiction, “How the Dressmaker of Bournemouth Feeds her Family”.
Boy, did Bournemouth pack a punch! As well as receiving free tickets to attend some interesting talks held by the festival, there was also a Sunday evening showcase and awards presentation.
There was a weird knotty feeling in the pit my stomach watching people read copies of the book, and it was only later that evening, when boyfriend Ben pretty much forced me to sit down and listen to him read my story, that I noted what I’d written was actually pretty good.
After the showcase, we made a toast to my success with a glass of prosecco and a McDonald’s in the hotel room. It was wonderful.
It was a truly delightful weekend (and that was before I got a mention in this glowing 5 star review!)
A lovely sunny weekend, spent on the English south coast.
The launch of Swindon Writers III came with a packed-out library venue, much to everyone’s surprise. Boyfriend Ben was unfortunately not feeling well on the night but I sent him a message to reassure him that I had more than enough attendees to keep me company.
Words were said by the editors and extracts read from the publication. To know my short story, “Bee Kind”, had been selected to sit alongside them in the book meant a lot.
Two book launches, two reasons to celebrate and a very happy author in between. As I say to people, prizes and publication aren’t the sole reason why we do what we do, but it damn well helps.
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Check out who’s following your girl on Reedsy Discovery.
That’s right, this man.
This man, who I had to look up online.
I initially thought it was Paolo Guerrero, a professional football player who plays in strike position for Ecuador. Paulo Guerreiro on the other hand, I have no idea. I think he’s a nobody.
Do I think this is a fake account? Yes. Do I hold out hope that a “somebody” in sport has taken interest in my work? I couldn’t possibly comment…
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This one comes from the Alice archives, from a time when I was channel flicking and came across this beauty of a clip from the Channel 4 reality TV show, “Celebs Go Dating”. I recorded it on my phone, hence the iffy quality, but it’s still a classic.
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For anyone pondering ideas for any future birthdays, Christmases, other religious occasions…celebrating your teacher (actually, maybe not the celebrating your teacher), but for everyone else, there is this:
Title: “Little Rock Looking At You”
Description:
Created exclusively for the RA Editions programme, this new sculpture by Marina Abramović Hon RA is based on a drawing made by the artist whilst living in Australia.
Produced as an edition of fifty in cast and blackened iron, Abramović has painted the eyes individually by hand, giving each rock its own unique character. The sculptures are initialled and numbered on the base and presented in a stamped cedar wood box. Each is accompanied by a card signed by the artist, as well as a certificate of authenticity.
Due to the hand-finished nature, each sculpture is unique.
Retail price: £2950* (*as of May 2024)
£2950?! 2.9.5.0?! Are you actually kidding me? As per Mumma B’s general steer on art, “if Alice could do it, it’s not ‘Art'” and ladies and gentleman, I am quite sure this is something I could do.
Now, before we all start jumping in our cars and heading for the nearest beach, it is worth noting that the creator of this artwork is Marina Abramović. Marina Abramović, as in, the Serbian artist who makes visitors walk between naked people to gain entry to her exhibitions. Marina Abramović, who drinks water more seductively than Nigella Lawson on a Christmas cooking extravaganza:
Marina Abramović, who just basically gets her kicks from performance/shock art.
I was going to add another video to prove my point, but every one ended up with a naked Marina Abramović, or some other woman flashing me, and no one needs that without at least a trigger warning. In the space of thirty minutes I viewed enough of Marina Abramović’s body that it both ruined my related videos feed on YouTube and led to some very awkward suggested adverts.
Goes to show, if you call it “Art” then anything goes.
Purchase link (in case you don’t believe me): Little Rock Looking At You – Royal Academy of Arts – Shop
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Not wanting to toot my own horn, but, I’m going to toot my own horn.
The looks staff gave me coming along with my trolley, approaching the self-service tills with thinly disguised smugness usually reserved only for the scan as you shop crowd.
I see your tiny space for basket shops and I raise you this:
(Although not going to lie, I was annoyed I couldn’t get the ice cream fully onto the scales.)
All the years of playing Tetris have clearly not been lost on me. And if you want the best words of guidance for getting staff to walk on by, wearing a face covering and buying a pack of cold relief medication will go a long way.
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I am thrilled to announce that flash fiction submission, “How the Dressmaker of Bournemouth Feeds her Family” has been shortlisted for publication in Bournemouth Writing Festival’s debut anthology.
Judge and Bournemouth academic, Charlotte Grace Fodor, said of the piece:
“How the Dressmaker of Bournemouth Feeds her Family” is a well-crafted, thought-provoking story with good attention to detail and is glittered with humour. I particularly enjoyed how the ending of the story adds depth and layers to the narrative, prompting the reader to reflect on themes of self-expression, transformation, and authenticity. The question posed by the shopkeeper…invites the reader to consider the choices we make in presenting ourselves to the world.
This question can be interpreted in various ways, encouraging introspection about personal growth and self-discovery.
Needless to say, I am completely over the moon by this news. Given the hundreds of submissions into this competition, I was more than flattered to have made the longlist, let alone the top 20. That in mind, I want to congratulate all of my fellow longlistees and thank all those involved in running this competition.
I’ll be joining my fellow winners for a special awards ceremony taking place as part of the festival later in April. Watch this space for updates!
Lines in the Sand will be published by Dithering Chaps on 26th April 2024. It is available for pre-order from Amazon, with physical copies available during the festival and from the publisher direct.
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Full credit goes to Pia Guerra and Ian Boothby for this cartoon (lifted from The New Yorker Magazine’s Instagram account) that I know many writers will relate to.
In my case, my “editor” tends to be my boyfriend, and he is a rubbish one. He lets me ramble, resulting in me digging a massive hole for myself and revealing myself to be the utter muppet I am (probably why he lets me do it!)
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I appreciate it’s a bit belated, considering the article was penned on 29th January, but honestly this article is quite possibly the best thing you’ll read all year.
Brought to you by local newspaper the Swindon Advertiser, “Swindon bin bag travels 15 minutes from home” follows the story of a lost recycling bag which, you guessed it, was blown away in recent storms, ending up a location that is 15 minutes away by foot.
“I expected to see an address on it for my street…but was shocked to see the Church’s name on it as that is a fair distance for it to be blown in the wind…I placed it on the railings where I found it and decided the decent thing to do was post its location so someone could inform the church where to find it.” Emma Viggers, Swindon resident
The best bit comes at the end. After an article detailing the recycling bag’s journey, we get this as a journalistic afterthought:
Meanwhile, a structure at the Abbey Stadium was also damaged.
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Link to original article (and credit to Edward Burnett for originally reporting): Storm Isha: Swindon bin bag travels 15 minutes from home | Swindon Advertiser
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My Housemate's a Mermaid 