Humor

I don’t know if it’s healthy to have *this* song stuck in my head for nearly as long as it has

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, Humor, Humour, Music, Uncategorized , , , , , , ,

“Justified and Ancient”, now that was truly a song of its time. (1991, if you need reminding.)

Given I was born after this year, you may well ask how I came to be acquainted with this track. Short answer, BBC Radio 2. Slightly longer answer, Radio 2 played it twice in as many days and that was it, I was hooked.

Not knowing the title of the track from the lyrics alone, I blindly punched “moo moo land” into a popular search engine and found it. Turns out, it’s a very nineties collaboration between country singer Tammy Wynette and “British electronic band”, The KLF.

And, well, I got this:

It also wasn’t lost on me that this clip from Glee came in a close second on search results:

So, guess what? This track is now embedded in my memory dungeon, alongside the Never Ending Property song. Yay, me!

Image credit: https://concord.com/news/klfs-justified-ancient-featuring-tammy-wynette-released-to-streaming-for-first-time/

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Getting “headless” in Swindon

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, comedy, Everyday Occurances, Humor, Humour, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

So, I’ve just spotted this in one of the recycling crates on my street…

Surprise, surprise the recycling collection crew left it behind.

Given this is the second time random heads have shown up in the immediate vicinity of my house, I’m starting to wonder whether I’m safe to continue living in this postcode area. Don’t people read-up on their local recycling policy anymore?!

Oh Swindon, you never fail to keep me in awe.

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Photo of the week: Shop window mannequin

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, Charity, comedy, fashion, Humor, Humour, Uncategorized , , , ,

It’s not very often you say “that’s a nicely sculpted bum” in the middle of a charity shop.

This was spotted in a charity (thrift) shop supporting Cancer Research UK. I’ll refrain from saying the exact location of said shop, as I’m keeping all knowledge of this mannequin for my own personal use. And make of that what you will.

Editorial note: I know my dislike / borderline hate for mannequins is very well documented (see the end of my Belfast video / The Alice Show). However, I make exception to shop mannequins as a general category…unless they’re the creepy ones with badly constructed faces. Those ones can burn in a pit of fire with the historical ones.

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10 Years of “My Housemate’s a Mermaid”

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Anniversary, British, comedy, Event, family, Humor, Humour, Mellennial, Mermaid, Review, Swindon, Uncategorized , , ,

On 11th November 2014, I went to the supermarket to buy toilet roll, which inspired me to start a blog. Ten years later, I’m still here.

Five years ago I wrote the very aptly named piece, Five Years Ago Today…. Aside from it being very surreal that five more years have gone by, a hell of a lot more has changed since then.

What MHAM is, and always will be, is an insight into my world, from the highs of getting my short stories published, to the foot injury lows and the ranty McRant face of Jus-Rol’s cinnamon swirls. It has also been the place to share all the wonderful holidays I’ve undertaken as a solo traveller and, more recently, with my wonderful “Boyfriend Ben”. I setup a social group for young people, moved to London, came back from London, built a career from a History degree in execution and country houses. I’ve volunteered for nine separate non profits, and met an amazing bloke who to this day continues to champion my corner, inspiring me to strive for the stars each and every day. It really has been a rollercoaster of emotional content.

Around the world there are so many instances of people being denied their freedom of expression and creativity, which is why I feel so privileged to have the family and professional career that supports me to keep doing what I love. It is the utter joy I get from recognition and compliments, the unexpected surprise when someone reaches out to say how much they enjoy my work. The odd competition win or shortlisting. It is those glints of gold that give me the euphoric buzz to keep hitting these keys.

In 2014, on that chilly dark night where nothing seemed possible, I discovered my voice. And you, the reader, are 75% of the reason why I’m still here. Thank you.

With little more to add, I will leave you with visual memories of the last ten years (and a couple from before) and a simple vow, that I will continue to write for ten more years and beyond, whatever form that takes.

May your hearts always be full and your coffee only slightly spilled.

AEB x

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This bin has an interesting description

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) House, Humor, Humour, shopping , , , ,

Mumma B takes full credit for finding this on her eBay travels.

The listing has long since vanished, although strangely I was able to access the link via my mobile, but not laptop (so go figure).

It’s admittedly a bit of a lengthy description, so I’ve picked out the highlights. Sections have been removed for brevity but everything marked in quotes is word-for-word lifted from the original description.

 

Plastic Recycle Bin & Lid 25L/50L Rubbish Dustbin Kitchen Garden Waste New 2022

This product is very inexpensive and light in weight.

I think this product can bring a fun way of putting in the necessary things. Attractive and Beautiful both aspects of this Flap Lid Recycle Bin bring happiness to the eyes. There are some people who will find this ecstatic.
Above all, it is said that people tend to remember only 10-20% of what they see and hear. Moreover, that number rises to as much as 90% when they see something unique.


On the contrary, I must say that this is the ultimate final product if you are looking for something big because Flap Lid Recycle Bin is for your interior decoration because this is the best.
This product is designed for the British Aesthetic looks and Cultural aspects.
It can be used in your Drawing rooms and Lounges because it adds beauty to it.

Wait, there's more!

RETURNS AND REFUND POLICY

Goods received back complete as NEW and unused and in original box and packaging including all accessories and in a re-sellable condition: You will be refunded the full invoice amount less cost of delivery.

Goods received back not in a re-sellable condition: We are unable to accept these back under the above terms and the goods will be returned back to you and the cost of delivery charged to you.

Goods received back complete as NEW and unused and in original box and packaging including all accessories and in a re-sellable condition: Goods will not be accepted back if they are not in a resellable condition.

In case you weren't sure

RETURNS:

Goods must be returned ‘AS SOLD’ in the original packaging complete ‘AS NEW’.

Goods must be complete, unused, and in ‘AS NEW’ condition (eg if you have opened the box to examine the product it must have been done so without damaging the box and packaging or damaging the product in any way) and must be re-packaged as received.

Payment information is sponsored by the upper case

PAYMENT:

We Aim to Dispatch All Orders Within 24 Hours Of Cleared Payments

(Please Note Orders Placed On Friday, Saturday And Sunday Can Only Be Given To Carriers On Monday As They Do Not Pick Up Over Weekends)

And as for customer service...

SERVICE:

Our aim is to provide Top Level Customer Service, normally so we will try our best to solve any problem.

 

So there you have it. It is said that people tend to remember only 10-20% of what they see and hear, moreover, that number rises to as much as 90% when they see something unique.

It is probably why no one ever remembers anything from my website.

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Isle of Wight antics

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Culture, Holiday, Humor, Humour, Tourist, Travel, Uncategorized, Vacation , , , ,

Here’s a snappy summary of what Boyfriend Ben and I got up to in August. In simple terms, a lot of walking and a wonderful trip to the Isle of Wight to visit Ben’s family…and also the mermaid gin bar.

After all, one has to keep up with one’s mermaid connections. It would have been a crime not to visit!

Locations featured:

Wiltshire Canal (Bath Spa – Bradford on Avon)

Brading Roman Villa

The Boathouse IOW

Isle of Wight Distillery (Mermaid Gin Bar)

Appley Beach Café

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A birthday card for my sister

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Birthday, British, comedy, Cotswolds, Event, family, Humor, Humour, Uncategorized , , , , ,

From the makers of Seven Degrees of Pie, ladies and gentlemen, I present you with the collage-card I gifted my sister for her birthday:

Now, I know how it looks. It looks like I found a really old newspaper, cut it up and threw it altogether to squeeze into a birthday card…

In my defence, I didn’t realise the coupon for the iweekend newspaper was dated.

Besides, who couldn’t be left in absolute awe over the contents of this birthday card? It has words such as “amazing”, “5*”, “Discover Paradise”, and a inserts of a pilot with a ukulele and Richard Madeley with a knowing smile.

I obviously threw in some smudgy words into the gap before handing it to her, but we all know the real reason why it’s a birthday card she won’t forget in a hurry. After all, you know what they say, “don’t judge a [generic greetings card] by its cover.”

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And then I panicked with the courgette (zucchini)

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) Baking, British, comedy, Culture, food, Humor, Humour, Mellennial, Mental Health, Mermaid, Swindon, Uncategorized, Young Professional , , , ,

Hello, present-day Alice here. I found this post deep in my draft archives, 2021 deep. On one hand I have no idea why it never got posted, and on the other hand I have every idea.

While some things have changed since this was first drafted (notably the fact I was very much single in 2021), you’ll be pleased to know the cooking skills are still as horrific now as they were then. I did it then, and I have no doubt I’d do it all over again if given half the chance…and a courgette.

So, that in mind, enjoy. AEB

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You know how when someone says they’re a fat person in a skinny person’s body, you nod along? Well, I am that person, the one who doesn’t understand how she’s not yet stuck in a doorway.

I honestly think the only reason I’m still a healthy weight is be because I’m a slave in the Matrix, and the aliens are milking me for battery juice. (It’s a normal thought process to have, right?)

Take this evening and my portion control when it comes to this mass-produced Quorn Spaghetti Bolognese:

(FYI, not a vegetarian, just trying to do my bit for the planet…and stop Paul McCartney coming after me.)

And yes, there are also frozen vegetables in there, but let’s not dwell on the lengths I go to to ‘stodge-out’ a meal.

The thing is, it was a perfectly normal* (*Alice’s version of normal) meal. But then I had this courgette. And the courgette was on the turn (it was a little bit squidgy), but it was something Mumma B had given to me, so I was determined to not let it go to waste. But the mince-stuff was already cooked and rapidly burning.

Basically, I panicked.

I hurry-sliced the courgette, coated it in black pepper, drowned it in olive oil and then threw it in the oven. I don’t know why, I just did. And even as I type this, I am very much aware this is an Alice-world problem.

Anyway, about ten minutes later (Married at First Sight was on and I may have got distracted), I retrieved the cooked-baked mush that was once a courgette and dolloped it onto my dinner plate. By now the pasta was stodgy and the mince mostly burnt on the bottom of the pan. To add to this, I didn’t quite feel satisfied that the first picture illustrated the large portion of food I had on my plate. So what did I do?

Yes, that’s right, I compared it to the size of a teabag.

This, this is what I do for content. Jeeze.

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*ANOTHER* Video That Will Change Your Life

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) British, comedy, Humor, Humour, Television, Uncategorized , , ,

Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Barrymore.

No, I’m still not going to apologise. I didn’t apologise before, and I won’t now. You knew what you were in for when you clicked the link.

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What.

My Housemate's a Mermaid (Alice E. Bennett) comedy, fashion, Humor, Humour, Swindon, Uncategorized , , , , , ,

Could someone care to explain to me what the heck this is?

For more context, this was something I spotted during my wanderings around Swindon.

The most rational explanation is that someone had a load of mannequin heads as part of a hair cutting course, but it’s still very weird.

What can you say? Only in Swindon.

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