In the last couple of days I’ve been struck down the most irritable of viruses, the common cold. Forget Darf Vader, Simon Cowell and reduced fat cheese, the common cold is the ultimate enemy of human kind, notably the British variety, who have to put up with the sickness all too frequently. As someone who tends to be cold-ridden for many weeks at a time (two-six weeks usually), I can honestly say I’ve tried to see the bright side. I’ve tried to see the humour in the husky voice and the excuse to binge on chocolate. However that Phoebe Buffay from Friends reference only carries so much water and what use is endless chocolate if you can’t taste anything?
In my feeble attempts to see a glimmer of positivity I have even turned to Google. Maybe there’s a new herb or questionable Hungarian drug I can buy. Search results – Vicks vapour rub and a healthy dose of ‘quit your whining and stay away from A&E’. Then I thought, ‘maybe there’s a fancy Latin name for the common cold I can use to make people think I’m really sick’. Search results – ‘the common cold, otherwise known as a cold, is an infectious disease of the upper respiratory tract…’. Only in the Western world would we rename something to have fewer words because two words was clearly one too many to remember. How come all the plants on Gardeners’ World get really long, fancy sounding, names? It’s just not fair.
I know what many of you are thinking, ‘here we go again, another case of Man Flu. It’s just a cold, she needs to get over it’. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking it, in fact I’d be saying the exact same thing in your shoes. Truth is, when I have a cold I become my own worst enemy. I don’t want to be near me, let alone anyone else. At the click of a finger I become the croaky, snotty, tired-eyed personification of an invisible force which doesn’t deserve the attention it gets. It’s like a (very) low budget, English, version of the Incredible Hulk ‘what do you mean, you’re out of cough sweets? Have you forgotten where we are? Did your stockist not look at the calendar?! That makes throat angry! ARGHHH!!’ (precedes to knock several boxes of paracetamol off the shelf and storm out of the shop, tutting).
Anyway, in short, I have a cold. Persons close to me for personal or professional reasons would be best placed to keep their distance until I am in a more fitting state to be social. Take this blog post as written approval.
An excuse to be antisocial? Hey, maybe there is a silver lining to this cold after all.