I’m going to start this piece with some of top notch fashion advise from Patsy Stone:
…And Stewie Griffin’s shopping habits:
Warning: this post contains images and frank talk of hats. If you are of a delicate disposition, are allergic to, or in any way do not like the topic of hats please leave now. Go into another room, sit and think hard about your issues, wear a hat constantly for a week, learn to love them and then come back to this post. No, there is no middle ground, you either really like hats or you love them. End of.
So yeah, I kinda like hats. They make me feel like this:
Hat season does not have an official beginning nor end, there’s no set date for it (a lot like Easter and The X Factor). It’s really linked to weather patterns and air temperatures, which in the UK means you could almost wear a hat at any stage of the year. In 2013 I caused a stir when I inadvertently declared the start of hat season on the hottest day of the year:
However on the whole it lasts from around mid-September through to late March (if you’re still unsure ask yourself, “is it Summer?” if the answer is “no”, “not sure” or “I haven’t seen daylight in five weeks, how should I know?” then the answer is yes, yes it is hat season).
Because there is no set start and end date for this period, one set day a year people rejoice in the glory of the hat. The 5th December is this day (and what a coincidence, it also happens to be my birthday!) On this day everyone should be
forced encouraged to wear a hat like my office colleagues:
But of course that shouldn’t limit one to only wearing a hat in the office one day a year…
I like to think myself a very open and liberal individual. I know some people get very funny about what does or doesn’t constitute as a ‘hat’ (it’s like the whole tomato fruit vs. vegetable debate) but if it covers the top of your head it counts as a hat.
There are some grey areas to this theory. E.g. this counts as a ‘hat of sorts’…
…Because a) it’s a slefie/deliberately taken that way photo and b) I was about 14/15 years old when I took it (i.e. I was trying to look cool.)
This though does not count as a ‘hat of sorts’…
…Because a) it was a cold day and a coat was needed b) it’s a laid back photo taken with friends and c) when I didn’t have my hood up this happened:
(I.e. the hood had a practical, not a fashion, purpose.)
Starting to get the hang of this?
So, based on these simple rules, here are some ways you can look glamorous in hats. I’m aware that I am a female (I know, what a shocker!) but humans of the male variety will quickly get the gist of this. There is no excuse why my fashion tips can’t be applied to any age and gender.
Animal Hats are always in
I mean, you can look so deep in thought and philosophical in a penguin hat
And so mysterious
(Who is that girl? What is she thinking? Does she have a second eye?)
“Quick! There’s a wolf over here eating someone!…
Oh wait, my mistake, it’s actually someone wearing a fabulous Wolf hat.”
Hosting a charity fundraising event? Better get a Moose/Reindeer hat on then.
On the Continent
You can wear a beret in Paris, France (bonus points for wearing it to be classy, not ironic or stereotypical)
Or in Cyrpus, Greece…
Rome (Italy)? Yeah, that works too
“Does wearing one as part of a Eurovision party count?”
“Is alcohol present?”
“Sure, I’ll take that as a foreign place”
Where a hat is not permitted, a mask will meet the requirements of a hat, e.g. a formal night out
Posting a Christmas wish list in the North Pole Postbox in Southampton’s Disney Store
You know, the big events in life.
There is always an excuse to wear fashionable head wear during hat season. I mean, if you can’t sit on a large ball of snow with two tennis rackets and a hat when can you?
And you can dress up with them at many historical sites nowadays…
You could say it’s a HATucation! Here all week.
If you need a stronger reason to start wearing hats then all you need to do is turn to the old favourite, the high street. You can buy this card in Clintons:
I mean they’re cats! In hats! CATS IN HATS!! CATS IN FLIPPIN’ ANIMAL HATS!!!!
How do I know this? Because this is the birthday card I’m giving to my lil bub sister for her upcoming birthday (India, just so you know I’m typing this post on Thursday but will have to wait until Sunday before I can upload it because I’m including this image. That’s how much I love you. Think about it. Many siblings would kill for a sister who holds off posting something just for them. Remember this before you start analysing the physical presents I’ve given you.)
Happy birthday sis.
“Hey Alice, you look just like that weird guy from that awful Scottish comedy. The one about mountains.”
“Hmm yeah, thanks.”
“Isn’t that the hat worn by the guy on Mountain Goats Alice?”
“Well this hat has been a poor investment.”
From some of the comments I’m making in this post it may be no surprise to you that sometimes I get a little bit too excited with hats…
At times like these I have to remind myself that I didn’t always have hats. There was a dark period when I didn’t know of their existence. In those days I only had my wits and mini umbrellas to go on. They were the BH (Before Hat) years…
And this thought mellows me out a little bit.
(Because ultimately I’m still wearing a hat, that’s pretty dam good whichever way you look at it)
So, what I’m trying to say is that hats come in all shapes and sizes and there’s no excuse not to wear one, no matter what the occasion or mood is. After all, if you can buy a pink cat hat (CAT HAT!!)…
…then you can buy/wear almost anything. Where hats are concerned there is no judgement here. To be honest I’d be more insulted if you told me you weren’t wearing a hat right now.
Hat season has begun. Now go forth dear readers and do the hat industry proud.